I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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