OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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