We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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