All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
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Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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