I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
