There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
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She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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