DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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