put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
