I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
ok first of all what the fuck
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize