I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
