Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
