Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
