if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
