how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
