Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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