I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
