im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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