I'm so fucking centered right now
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
