Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
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Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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