Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
