why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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