Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
