I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
