just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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