Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
