i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
