so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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