Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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