Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I need moral support for this bender
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
