I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
