brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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