I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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