My hand turned me down
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
