Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Randomize
