i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
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Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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