i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
