I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
