i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize