I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
