Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
