last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
