That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
