I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
