and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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