My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
