Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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