What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
