There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think your dad took our porno
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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