i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
