Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize