Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
