He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
