we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
