At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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