well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
