evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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