i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
