hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
