Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
